Chileeeee… these boys need prayer, ice packs, and anger management because this episode was just one long fight with commercial breaks. Zeus said “vacation” and these men heard “Fight Club: DR Edition.”
We start off with Paris STILL trying to insert himself into Jada and Islandboi’s drama. Paris is over there venting to Cozy about how irritated he is, but honestly… what exactly is your role here besides narrating everybody else’s beef? Since he not fighting, I guess he had to secure screentime somehow.
Meanwhile Islandboi is telling Landon and Poodie that Jada wanted them to fight, and honestly Jada wants EVERYBODY to fight. That man wakes up ready to throw hands before brushing his teeth.
Then here come Shoddy returning for yet another round with Jada. And baby… it was bad. REAL bad. Shoddy was bent over looking like he dropped a contact lens while Jada kept yelling at him to pick his head up so they could actually fight. The secondhand embarrassment was LOUD.
Paris then tries to play peacemaker talking about “you and Islandboi need to talk,” but Jada wasn’t trying to hear a TED Talk. He still wanted smoke. Paris keeps complaining about being stuck in the middle, but somehow keeps walking directly into the middle. Sir… MOVE.
And wait a damn minute… Lynx is Meatball’s brother?!
Elsewhere Korey, Alpha Ant, and Shoddy are discussing the Jada fight aftermath while Jon is still obsessed with his beef with “Sid from Ice Age.” I’m sorry but these nicknames are taking me OUT.
Poodie, Lynx, and Seis are reliving the chaos from the previous night — Jada fighting Shoddy in the pool, then Islandboi — when here comes Jada popping up like the neighborhood raccoon hearing somebody mention food. Lynx asks Jada how he feels about Paris, and Jada basically tells Paris to stay in his lane before he becomes roadkill.
Seis admits he’s irritated with Jon and feels like Jon only wants to fight him because he thinks he’s weak. And honestly? Seis been standing on business every episode.
Also… these confessionals are HORRIBLE. These men cannot dress.
Then Landon announces they’re going jet skiing, but Lynx storms in HOT because apparently Landon took a picture of him and sent it to somebody. Lynx confronts him demanding an apology, and BOOM — another fight. Landon claims in confessionals he didn’t do it, but baby nobody believes anything on this show unless security confirms it.
The first round between Landon and Lynx was pretty even until Poodie jumped in. They run it back AGAIN and honestly it still looked even.
Then Korri starts screaming like somebody spotted a ghost, and Poodie finally gets tired of hearing it and just pops him. At this point people are getting hit for sound effects.
Lynx then calls Jon out for not helping when he got jumped. Jon says he pulled Poodie out the fight, but while they arguing Landon sneaks Lynx and throws him into the pool like this is WWE SmackDown: Caribbean Edition.
And just when you think things calming down… Korri walks past Poodie and gets popped AGAIN. Seis then calls Jon out for only wanting to fight him and nobody else.
Then on the bus? Seis swings on Jon AGAIN and they start fighting all over. At this point the bus needs hazard pay and therapy.
Baby this cast fights like they getting paid per punch. Zeus better have stocked up on Neosporin and security guards because the Dominican Republic may never recover from this vacation. Stay tuned because clearly peace was NEVER an option.
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